That Intricate Labyrinth called M.E.M.O.R.Y…..

From time immemorial, there has been a constant struggle between religion & science as to how the most intelligent species on this planet, MAN, originated…. One school of thought believes it is God who made Man and the other assertively says that it involves a series of micro-biological and chemical processes…i dont know what to think cuz i am religious and yet, like to believe that i am practical too….to me, the ideal solution is a balance of the 2… that way, neither side would be offended….God formulated the blue-print of HOW the universe would be formed and left the rest to science….There, that’s my explanation….This blog, however, does not aim at gettin into the intricate details of THAT process…I juz wanna talk abt one such awe-inspirin feature of the human being, his MEMORY…..

Doesn’t it amaze you how we remember the smallest of details that occured years ago? Don’t you wonder how you remember the face of someone you met as a child? Well, isn’t it plain amazing that we simply “Remember” ??? Agreed, we do also “forget” some or most of what we have seen and heard before….That would probably be cuz no system is 100% efficient! [Besides, it has afterall been said, To Err Is Human, which could also be interpreted as, To Forget is Human 🙂 ]

Iv alwayz wondered where all this information gets stored, how is it that somethings “remind” you of somethin else, how smells can translate into a mental image ( Everytime i pick up the aroma of pizza, a fat- filled cheesy,delicious slice instantly pops into my mind…!) Certain recalls also have emotions associated with them…like when i think of pizza, i feel hungry n then,automatically, guilt!

I decided to juz read a lil bit about this so i could understand it….All of what i read was so intriguing & detailed( courtesy: Google) that i juz HAD to share it to all of u out there, in a way that i have understood it 🙂

We do not store entire instances in our mind,i.e., it is not a package deal…Each aspect of an instance, the emotions, the faces, the location, the smells…EACH get stored in separate pockets in different areas of the brain…Those aspects that have in some way affected us, that we wish to retain, get stored…rememberin any one of these would trigger a path in the brain that would bring all of these together….So, essentially, it works backwards….u think of somethin, the pulse goes back and gets images etc from the various areas and it comes to u…. eg: when i think of my last bday, first an image of me comes to my mind (not a pretty pic though) n then slowly, pizza hut…then the long table…as i walk in, the faces of my friends….the cake…now i feel embarassment (cuz i had to stand up on the seat and, get this, ‘announce’ to all that it was my bday!!!) Slowly the entire day comes rushin in….all in a matter of milliseconds!! Even dreams are a result of memory…Id rather not get into that now…This would turn out to be more of a psychology report then!

Everytime i close my eyes, a million images close in…..random images…..faces, smiles, colours, places…it is over whelmin! Itz a maze out there…intricately woven…and i find myself gettin lost in it…Some memories i wish to keep with me forever, others i pray i could just forget….

Through all this, i also realize there is somethin i want from all of you… that whatever may happen in the future, I wish to alwayz be a part of That Intricate Labyrinth called (your) M.E.M.O.R.Y…..

The Only Man I Truly Love…..

Everytime i contemplated writin a blog, I kept wonderin what i would write abt….there were a 100 different things on my mind….but at the same time, i would draw a blank when i started writin them!!! There was this one thing,though, that i really wanted to pen down from the start….Infact I thought i would start of my bloggin with this one topic, but that dint happn…so herez the time to let u all in my tiny lil secret 🙂

This is more of a tribute of sorts to this one person who really means more to me than anyone else….im sure a lotta of u who know me would be able to figure out who it is….for the rest of u, Im talkin about none other than my ‘Daddykins’ [tatz how me n my sis prefer to call him :)]

My pillar of strength….the one person whoz voice makes my heart melt (i can never ever ever ever EVER get bored of his singin!) Ideological differences???we’ve got plenty! Yet, i can juz never get enough of arguin with him…He finds it funny every time i enter into a heated, passionate arguement about how id like to make my life the way i want it….n tat annoys me, cuz, well..here i am goin all hyper tryin to convince him to see my side of the story, n there he is givin me an amused luk (to be read as: rant all u want, uv still gotta listen to me while under my roof!) Guess tatz what ppl call “Generation Gap”……….

I remember the first time he saw my hair streaked n well, FREAKED! so much for the rhyme though, cuz the picture that day was certainly not musical….he actually wanted me to go back turnin a 3000/- venture into a 6000/- one by colourin it back in black!!i was so furious, i kinda took an oath never to step back into my home ever again….i slept at nite wonderin where to go the next morn! but somewhere in between twilight n dawn, i found myself snugglin bak in his arms lik a baby, never wantin to let go….n i never will….

I so-believe that u can hate as strongly as u luv a person….n wit him tatz juz how it is… There r times i wish one of us would juz vanish into thin air….The funny part is, the stronger that thought gets, the harder i pray to never let him outta my site…Travails of a contradictin mind!Hez the only person who can move me to tears ANYTIME….all iv gotta do is think of his benevolent eyes, n BAM! the dam’s broken n a torrent of salt water comes rushin down….Continuin with the contradictin tradition, the storm of tears is followed by the hull of a tiny smile as i continue thinkin of him 🙂

The first thing my dad told my sis when she started earnin was- “Dont even think of savin anythin for the first 5 yrz!” [but my sis seems to have taken tat a tad bit seriously..hehe!] Ridiculous as it may sound, itz what he preaches… According to him, ‘if uv got the dough, spend it…n if u haven’t, spend wat lil uv got! cuz ull never know whatz gonna happen tom’….TAT is our family’s time-tested Happiness Mantra…..

If Jawaharlal Nehru’s collection of letters to his daughter is coveted, so should his….Man, every letter is like a powerful speech of statesmanship….Proddin us to look beyond the frivolous details troubling us n believe in togertheness as a family…It is juz this tat has kept us goin thru tough times….When the goin got tough, the tough did get goin…N all that credit goes juz to him….

His belief in me n my sis strengthened us….Not the type to be judgemental, he stood steadfast by us, at times when all were against….He couldnt care less for the “society” , he juz trusted his daughters, n we wouldnt dare prove him wrong……Never once did he feel that we would have been on the wrong…He remained unfazed, inspite of having to severe relationships for havin chosen us over others……n if it werent for him, trust me, I wouldnt b where i am now…..

Mere words wud never be enough to describe what he meanz to me…..Hez an embodiment of patience…. Life without him is unthinkable…Teary eyed, I end this tribute to The Man In White, my DADDY-The Only Man I Truly Love…….

P.S: To the Man Im gonna Marry- Dont get intimidated by the above…You wouldnt have to worry abt me havin high expectations cuz I KNOW tat my Dad is WAY beyond comparison! 🙂

I-Want-To-Break- Free!

Im sure all of u have gone through this phase where u juz wish u could get away from thingz around u….I certainly am there right now!!! I hate decisions n I juz realise I suck at them….All along i’ve never really had to do much of decision-makin (thanx to my papa dearest!) Educational decisions were pre-made for me…all i had to do was go ahead n study…So in that fashion, i sailed through 4 years of engineering,then another 2 crappy years of Post Graduate Diploma in Business Administration, specializing in finance (special emphasis on the expansion cuz of the preceding adjective ‘crappy’) n now im at that threshold where i’ve gotta take a career decision…..Trust me, i’ve got N.O. clue as to what i wanna do…on one side im an instrumentation engineer…n then i also have an MBA in finance….n i’ve juz cleared my jap level 3 [im usin this opportunity to show this off 😉 ]…..n i love fashion designing n art n anythin creative..so….now i gotta chose a career in…………………??!!!!!!

I believe in destiny…n so i kinda feel that i will be where i’ve gotta be…but then therez this unstoppable wave of “peer pressure” tat does not lemme be! how i wish life wasn’t all about gettin the rite job….i wish i could’ve juz been given that chance to do wat i wanna do….though i dont know what that is, i probably would’ve if i did have the chance…!!

I feel incomplete…n am not satisfied bein where i am right now….somethinz amiss n i juz cant figure out what that is….I have this innate urge to do somethin whacky…juz do somethin radical….a tattoo???piercings???been there, done that….i’d ofcourse love to get some more….but then i face the risk of bein homeless cuz im sure my dad would want me off his property ASAP!I wanna take a vacation to some far off place…..a Holiday[ like ‘The Holiday’] that would let me get a new perspective of life….relax under the sun, sippin a granita….or be in the midst of a real avalanche, rather than an emotional one! Oohhh!i could juz go on n on!

I dont dream of makin it big or bein the next biggest thing in history…but i wanna do soemthin diff…somethin creatively satisfyin that would keep me goin….suggestions anybody????? 🙂

Im sure things would clear out soon….cuz my life till now has alwayz been a set of phases….each phase, crazier than the other, formin tat formidable past that effaces ever-so-often in the present….n everytime this happenz, i cant seem to get this famous line by Queen outta my head….I-Want-To-Break-Free…………

Every Man for Himself….

This is juz for u andu….the font size i mean! i hope this one is gonna be easy on ur eyez….though im not too sure the pink would change…Anywayz, as alwayz itz been a while since i blogged….i somehow feel the need to get inspired to actually write in…n today was one such inspirational day 🙂 Continuing on the same philosophical streak i began with, Im gonna share with all of u (by all i mean u poor lil thingz whom i COAX to read my blogs!) my new theory of Every Man For Himself…..If u’ve heard this before, ignore it…for noone…n i mean NOONE,can preach wisdom the way i can ! 😉

I hv started believin tat Companionship is highly over rated….Yes, it IS amazin to have someone around to call ur own i guess….but who could be better than urself to actually know u better???i’ve lived quite a long part of my life (all of 22 1/2 yrz) believin tat we should alwayz GIVE to GET….now dont get me wrong here….givin isn’t wrong…but not one-sided crazy givin! Bein there when needed, forgivin even though raw n hurtin…in simpler terms- Bein a Livin D.O.O.R.M.A.T in-the-flesh! This stuff really doesn’t make the other person sit up n notice u…it juz makes them take u for a ride! n that ride is initially good, trust me….u can call it,The magic carpet ride!!!u get to literally see a WHOLE NEW WORLD (courtesy: Alladin) n then the fall….that rock-bottom plunge that rudely reminds u that the heady rush of wind is gone…that suddenly, even though u give n give n give….ur not gettin….it may not be right to expect in return…but thatz for the saints man….itz natural n human to expect….so when u start feelin miserably low n whiney about not gettin enough, itz juz abt time to LET GO!… the revelation that follows is really amazin….atleast to me it has been thatway…..

I realized tat Friendz r amazin people….parentz r SUPER people….n my sis (Buj, ill ALWAYZ, ALWAYZ love u….n ur alwayz, alwayz my only true confidante) juz ROCKz…n im ever so thankful to be surrounded by all these people who make life worthwhile….BUT….(yes, all good things have a BUT(T), pun intended….) I also feel that the only way u can really be happy..?… is to understand urself…the way noone has understood u….juz do a bit of introspection….n u will see that inspite of havin so many people around u…ur only true companion is u…n it isn’t all tat bad after all…! i seriously do enjoy my own company nowadays….[dont worry guyz, im still sane…atleast I think i am :)] I can make or break my life…itz I whoz gotta decide what I wanna do…itz I whoz gotta decide who I wanna b with….so make best use of wat u’ve got within u, rather than waitin for someone else to tell u wat u’ve got…rather, what u haven’t!

Before I end, I’d like to clarify….i dont mean to say that u dont have to give at all or that u must be mean to people in the process…juz that….everythin must be done in moderation…dont over-do the givin….itz gettin u nowhere really…when thingz go bad n ur down in the dumpz…everyonez gonna go their way cuz…in this world,people, itz Every Man For Himself….(as seen through the eyes of a cynic)

Life….is a Perishable Commodity….

Dont ask me WHY i wanna write abt this…..sometimez, the most weirdest of thoughts pop-up and i find this urgent need to pen them down….this is one such moment…juz sittin down…gettin Oh-so-bored with life around me….power failure on one side, crappy tv programz on the other….i get online lookin for solace…n well…NOTHIN!such boredom is dangerous…since it letz those crazy thoughts come in….i decided to probe a bit….probe into those deep dark areas i wanna forget…..the forbidden P.A.S.T*….past relationshipz have taught me never to fall…..to alwayz get up n move on even when battered….the more harder u fall, the more effort u must take to get up n walk….if u can do tat,well,uv juz mastered the art of livin! Anywayz, considerin this is not about philosophy, lemme get to what i was tryin to say….While gettin into one such dark area*…i realised the ironically humorous side of the homo sapien…..here i was starin at the “orkut” scrapbook of someone who has left this world n passed on to eternity(God Bless Him) n i was amused to find new scraps since the last time i saw it….some sayin sorry for tiffs tat had happened,1 sayin….’hey, thought of u today 🙂 ‘ n another who happened to stumble across the profile n expressin how weird it is that he didnt get to do this earlier…..I found it funny, but i couldn’t resist writin in….Knots in my stomach, cold shivers runnin down my spine, I sat wit an eerie anticipation that the message would somehow reach..thatz the irony i was talkin about…..i may sound cliche when i say u ‘u never realise the value of somethin around u till itz gone’ but tatz all i could think of then…u blink n the momentz gone…thatz how each day seemz to pass…..the smaller things in life r ignored….itz juz all about turnin dreamz into reality….im not disregardin that….thatz important to feel secure, but itz time we stopped, looked around n try to take time out for those whom we dont wanna lose….those who need us…the benefits,trust me, are mutual…..n then therez alwayz the aspect of karma…B good n get good 🙂

I dunno if the message would even reach him (yea, i did actually believe it would), but i felt a lot better…..like the albatross around my neck was unwrung…n trust me people, it feelz amazin….juz to reach out…one time….one last time…..n then slowly realization dawned on me- Life, guyz, is afterall a perishable commodity……

For Starters…

i really dno wat to write or whr to start….cuz tho iv been tinkin of doin tis for a long,long while….iv actually gotten down to doin tis juz now!n well….from tat i guess u can get to knw one of my most innate qualities….im L.A.Z.Y!!! it may take me quite a while to actually get down to writin somethin interestin here…but this guyz…is juz for starters…. 🙂