Listen to yourself – Part 1

A walk. A walk would be nice. Breathe a little fresh air. Bambi can get some exercise and so can I. God, my body needs it”.

“Are you sure now’s the right time? Don’t you have to finish work? That one mini-analysis that’s not really due tomorrow, or the day after, that you have no clue how to do but are still super stressed out because you know it’s going to come up tomorrow? Yes, even though it’s not due tomorrow. Or maybe you should do some of those back exercises instead. What’s the point of paying for PT, a physiatrist and a chiro if you aren’t really going to follow through!”

“Uhm, yea. Maybe I’ll just do my exercises”

Five minutes later, pink exercise mat rolled out on the light brown wooden floor, ridged side up and grey exercise ball wobbling unsteadily across the floor.

Ok, here goes. Stretch #1. Lay on tummy. Ouch! Ok, now, chin down, lift both legs up while hips stay down. How is that possible? Oh got it. Ok, this isn’t too bad. Ah! Ouch! Spoke to soon. Ok wait, oh got it, lift is slightly off the ground. Phew, ok, much better. 12345. 22345. 32345. 4234….wait, let me just check if someone’s texted me. What! It’s 9 already? I need to figure out the data before I start anything on it. Dammit, ok 2 more and then I’m done. What’s the point of doing it hurriedly? I’ll just start tomorrow”.

Half- getting up.

“Ahem, seriously? So you didn’t go to walking because you wanted to get your PT exercises in. You’re not doing your exercise because you want to finish up work. And you’re not going to be able to finish working anyway because you’re hungry, you need to eat, take Bambi down and sleep. Such a procrastinator! Why don’t you just do it all now?” 

“Sigh, you’re right. I suck. I should’ve just come back from work and gone on a walk. And then gotten back, eaten, played with Bamba, finished up work and exercises and tried to read a little of my book. I don’t know why I do this. Sucks. I hate doing this. I should just start tomorrow. Tomorrow no matter what, I’ll wake up at 6.30 and do all of this stuff. Ok, phew, sounds like a plan. I feel better already. Tomorrow it is.

3 hours later, the clock gleams 12 am on the phone as an alarm for 6.30 am is set for the next morning.

20 minutes and 3 rest room interruptions later, alarm is re-set for 7 am.

26 minutes and 2 more rest room interruptions later, alarm is moved another 30 min, because while 8 hours of sleep is needed for an active mind, 6.5 is acceptable to be in a caffeine-induced-partially mentally present- stupor.

6 hours and 24 minutes later.

Bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, THWACK!

First snooze: 8 am.

Second snooze: 8.10 am.

Third snoo….: “Fuck it, I’m hungry”.

Wake up, bathe, dress up, get out of the house to make money, come back home.

Repeat.

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Author: beetlejuice357

Living the dog-mom life, 7 years at a time. Over-thinking and under-writing. Empathy is a slow killer.

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