My Four Letter Word of the Season

Profanities aside, it’s time for profundities. The past couple months have been some of the worst times I’ve ever had. The unexpected events that happened pushed me out of my zone and into a realm of disappointment and pain that I never knew existed. I wish I could go into details but the lack of anonymity on this blog forces me to refrain. Besides, it is just too hurtful to express the anguish I have gone through. Yea, it really  was that bad. And no, I’m not talking about a broken nail or the avalanche of white hair that’s sprouted up on my hair (it’s no surprise with stress being the best fodder there is). Well, maybe someday I will be able to talk about it a lot better, not just anonymously but right on this very blog. It is pretty sensational stuff, it is. Or atleast that is what my friends tell me – that I have to share my experiences because they are eye-openers. I don’t know about that because thinking of it just makes my eyes close. And wince.

That said, I’ve rediscovered the silver lining on the clouds – my friends & family and ice cream, in that order. People who’ve stuck by me no matter what. No matter if I call them at 3 am and bawl my heart out. No matter if I scare them by begging them to come get me and take me away. No.Matter.What. I thank my stars every, single day for giving them to me. Good people do exist after all. Oh and ice cream? Well, I thank it simply for being the delicious goodness that it is.

I’m pretty proud of how I’ve handled things. Ofcourse, I’ve let go of myself many a times but I’ve still held together pretty good.  Unity in adversity, you can say. With every fall, I’ve picked myself up. Sound familiar? Apart from it being used to no end for a long while now it’s no wonder then that when the line “Why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up” came up in the movie, I sat clutching my heart, tears rolling down, shaking my head so vigorously I almost went dizzy. And it’s been my motto ever since.

I may have not moved on but I definitely moved forward, looking out for the next thing to do. “Ok, so this failed, now what?” And that’s when I realized that the one thing that always, always has remained (since time immemorial and all that) and will continue to remain is Hope. It’s what made Japan get up after Hiroshima-Nagasaki, keeps resilient stock brokers going, makes us still vote for the Congress and DMK /AIADMK despite their repertoire for bankrupting, made my Chintu look up expectantly for crumbs that would fall when we were eating biscuits…….you get the drift.  I didn’t really think it was so earlier. When Dolly got the word tattooed, I wasn’t all too impressed. I felt she could’ve gotten something more….I don’t know, something with a lot more depth. To me, strength meant more than hope because I believed that it’s what keeps me going. I reveled in my strength. But you know what? I’m tired of being strong. It’s almost like the stronger you are, the more the world is out to test you. And through all that, the only beacon of light was hope. The hope that there is indeed light at the end of the tunnel and that even if right now is messed up, it’s all going to be A-ok.

And that, folks, is my four letter word of the season. In fact, it’s why I’m digging into this tub of peanut butter ice cream with the hope that the pounds aren’t going to pile on.

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6 thoughts on “My Four Letter Word of the Season”

  1. enna aachu? all well ? but going by your post you seemed to have become strong with whatever happened,keep going.
    “Regardless of how you feel inside, always try to look like a winner. Even if you are behind, a sustained look of control and confidence can give you a mental edge that results in victory.
    Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can”

  2. You know what Kumar? You just made my day. What you said up there just makes so much sense to me. Thanks. And ena achu? Solren, epayavadhu? Btw, how’s wifey and baby girl doing?

  3. I’m worried.. though its been over a month u wrote this……………hope things are good with you now… n what i have seen and observed of u is that u r strong from inside n nthing going to stop u from moving on.. keep us posted…

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